Fatty Dumpling wakes up. It is 7am. She looks at the ceiling. She squints at the window. Fart.
Glasses pop onto her face. She waddles to the bathroom. Does her bathroom business. Fatty bares her teeth at the mirror.
She waddles back to her bedroom. Turns on her laptop and tip toes to the kitchen. Shhhhhh…roommate still asleep. Must be quiet. What is there to eat? Too many options. Eggs. Bread. Bananas. Apples. Yogurt. Tuna fish. Peanut butter. Tuna fish and peanut butter. Ewwgrossyuckittyyuckyuck. Well, maybe.
She munches and chews and chews while watching quality tv on her laptop. HARHARHAR, people are so clever nowadays. HARHARHAR.
Fatty slips on outside clothes and catches her bus for school. With a lasso, man. (HARHARHAR—Fatty is clever too).
She sits in class and glares at her prof. If she doesn’t focus and glare, she runs the risk of accidentally falling asleep. That wouldn’t be a nice thing to do, especially since she respects her profs. Her profs are seriously smart people and says a multitude of intelligent things. Just yesterday, Fatty learned about the philosopher Hilary Putnam. Sadly, the only thing Fatty remembers learning is that Hilary Putnam is a happy guy who always looks happy in his pictures. (It’s actually important; other philosophers look really surly in comparison).
She goes home after school. She’s pooped so falls haphazardly onto the couch in a heap. Butt sticking up.
Fatty had shared a bus with a bunch of incredibly beautiful people. And she fell in love with all of them. It takes up a lot of energy, falling in love. A whole pile of people are now wandering through Guelph with bits of Fatty’s heart.
Goodness gracious. The girl hasn’t spoken a word to a soul all day. Unless you count her whistling to the bus stop and arguments with herself in her head (you mustn’t stare at the purple hair or drool over that girl’s tantalizing-smelling french fries). Fatty, you should speak more often. Make some friends. Converse about politics and what is supposedly wrong with the world. Yes, dear.
Suh, I made some granola bars with olive oil. Usually, I’d use margarine as the fat composition but thought to experiment one day to see how olive oil would affect the bars. Surprisingly, I could not taste the olive oil (only chocolate and oaty goodness) and the bars came out chewy and delicious. True greatness.
Olive Oil Granola Bars
Original recipe by Smitten Kitchen, this copy just adds olive oil to it :]
1 2/3 cups oats
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup oat flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 to 3 cups dried fruits and nuts (I used a combo of walnuts, sesame seeds, poppy seeds, hemp hearts, and chocolate chips)
1/3 cup peanut butter or another nut butter (I used peanut butter)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
6 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp honey, maple syrup or corn syrup (I used honey)
1 tablespoon water
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease an 8″ x 8″ x 2″ pan or line with parchment paper.
Stir together all the dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk together the vanilla, olive oil, liquid sweeteners and water. Toss the wet ingredients with the dry and the nut butter until the mixture is evenly crumbly. Spread in the prepared pan, pressing them in firmly.
Bake the bars for 30 to 40 minutes, until they’re brown around the edges.
Cool the bars in their pan.
Once cool, cut the bars into squares and eat!