Vegetarian Meatballs

by fattydumpling

Hypocrisy is my friend.

Or rather, I have a friend who is regularly the devil’s advocate just to provoke emotion and conversation. It makes for amusing times. I have amusing stories.

The latest includes my wedding. This wedding happens to be nonexistent, with no partner in sight for me to walk down the aisle to (or wait at the altar for).  However, this friend wants my bouquet that I would be throwing towards the single ladies. He wants it so much, that he has plans to body check my guests in order to gain that bouquet.

I can give you another bouquet.
No, I want your bouquet.
You can’t body check my female guests.
I’ll do what I have to if they’re in my way.
If you’re my bridesmaid, you get to have your own bouquet.
You’re not invited.
I’ll still come.
You’ll be tied up at the wedding then, so you can’t ruin it.
I’ll hire someone to beat me up so one of your guests feel bad for me and then unties me.
…Why don’t you hire someone to untie you?

The conversation went on and on. It involved a third friend too. However, that third friend received an apology for his future injured guests at his future nonexistent wedding for the first’s friend’s body checking. A fourth friend got an apology too. I did not get an apology. He doesn’t usually give me anything anyways–other than dirty looks and smacks on the side of my head.

One other thing that this friend spoke about this past week was his aversion to veggie-fied foods. Veggie dogs? Veggie burgers? He’ll snub his nose at you. Ironically, he ate and liked my seitan meatballs that I made long ago. That funny contradicting boy.

So, I bring you another recipe for vegetarian meatballs. No-meat meatballs. Nomeatballs.

They taste fantastic—beans and bulgar, ooh la la. They’re not the firmest foodstuffs around, but I can assure you, they are tasty.

(My friend’s a nice boy though. That third friend is a nice guy too. Nice people rock. They walked me home on Halloween. What sweet peeps.)

This recipe comes from Jennifer A. Bell, an illustrator who contributed to They Draw and Cook, a website devoted to illustrated recipes. They’re all seriously so beautiful and appetizing-looking. The website is accumulating recipes for a future book—how neat it is that people are able to look at the illustrated recipes for free still. Like I said: nice people rock. They rock my socks off.

Vegetarian Meatballs
adapted slightly from They Draw and Cook

1 cup bulgur wheat
2 cups vegetable or mushroom stock
1 cup adzuki beans
1 large onion, finely chopped
3 cloves of garlic, minced
1 tbsp olive oil
1 isp ground cumin
1 egg beaten
1 cup breadcrumbs
½ bunch of cilantro, chopped
salt and pepper to taste

Soak the adzuki beans overnight in plenty of water.

When ready to cook, cook the adzuki beans in its soaking liquid. First, bring the bean concoction to a boil, then simmer for about 50 minutes, until the beans are cooked and soft. Rinse and set aside to cool.

Cook the bulgur wheat in the stock and set aside to cool.

Cook the onion and garlic in the olive oil until the onion is translucent. Add the cumin and cook for another minute, then set it all aside to cool.

In a large bowl, add the cooked beans, bulgur wheat, onions, and cilantro.

Mix in enough bread crumbs to make the mixture semi-firm. Put the mixture into the refridgerator for about an hour to firm.

Using wet hands, roll out approximately 20 balls and place on a cookie sheet. Broil for approximately 5 minutes. Flip the balls to their other side, then broil for a further approximate 5 minutes. Flip the balls to another side, and broil for approximately another 5 minutes.